A Love Beyond Words
by CressidasCastle
Summary: A tale of Peter Parker first love Mariam Jones. A sweet, unassuming girl who's life is changed when Peter saves it.
1. Chapter 1

I aimed for the small mouth of the dryer. Two mismatched pieces of socks are on the floor. Solid, but missed attempts nonetheless. I am eight for ten but I still had a few more pieces of wet laundry to go. You see I had to figure out a way to entertain myself when I had a list of things to do. This wasn't my idea of fun. Not even close. But I was in no position to complain. If I did, mom would simply add to the list. So I kept my lips shut and my hands in motion. The list of chores had to be done by the end of the day and it was already five. I still had homework to do and I STILL didn't have a date for the dance.

"As if I need another problem on my plate," I whispered under my breath. I pulled out a white tee and shot it perfectly into the dryer. "Yes!" Another perfect shot.

"Mariam?"

"Yes mom," I shouted. "I'm already loading the dryer," I offered. She was checking in on me. Making sure I was on task.

"Alright. Remember you still have your homework to finish. Don't think I won't be checking it by the end of the night," she said.

Biology was almost done. It was my social studies homework that I needed to really work on. Besides I hadn't stopped thinking of Peter since this morning. Thinking of Peter, something I'd been doing since he'd saved my life recently, was affecting everything. I stuck my hand in the washing machine and pulled out my jeans. I refocused on something other than Peter. Making my next shot count. I rolled my jeans it into a bumpy ball and, with a pause, released them into the air. Perfect shot.

"Yes!" I shouted loudly. I hadn't lost my touch. I stuck my hand into the washer again. Nothing. Walking over to the dryer I set the nobs to forty-five minutes and headed straight to my room.

There my phone was, right in the middle of the bed. Glowing. A missed call and two messages were rolling across my screen. It was Mia.

I read the text first.

 _"_ _Just heard Peter isn't going to the dance with Liz. Isn't that the best news ever? You should definitely ask him. I think she liked him too. Don't know if she asked him though. Anyway, she's popular and all but she can't have everything. Otherwise life would just be too cruel. And I refuse to believe fate is that cruel. So… when are you going to ask him?"_

It was a long message but it was all I needed to know. Peter didn't have a date to the dance. Smart, kind, perfect Peter Parker was without a date to fall dance. I dropped my phone back down and dived after it. I stretched myself out and crossed my hands behind my head. I stared at the white ceiling. _This is my chance._

It was too terrifying to think about it. I could already feel my heart skip a beat and he wasn't even close. Not even. A train and twenty blocks separated us.

I couldn't stop thinking about Mia's message. We talked about Peter. A lot. But I couldn't stop. It was like a reflex I couldn't control no matter how much I tried. Ever since he saved my life that day it's impossible for me not to break into a sweat when I am around him. I can't really explain my feelings. I know I like him. That much I know. I wait for him to pass my locker before biology and I try not to watch him in gym class. I didn't know if I could ever tell him about what I was feeling. Partly because I thought it was a passing thing. I was hoping I would get up one morning and _,_ like merciful wandering magic, I would be cured of him. Cured of the heartache I felt whenever I was around him. It actually physically hurt to be so close to him and not be more than what we were.

What were we? We were nothing more than classmates. We didn't share anything more than the seven hours in the four walls of high school. I couldn't escape him. I'd even signed up for the school newspaper hoping that it would be enough to take my mind off him. Didn't know if it would work. I could only hope.

 _BEEP. BEEP._

Another message. My hand flattened on the mattress till I touched the cold screen of my phone. I held it to my eyes and almost died from shock.

A message. It was from Peter.

 _Hi Mariam. Feeling better? -PP_

A wash of sweat covered my skin and I shivered. My heart began to race. I looked at the message again. What made him say this? What did I say? I wracked my brain, trying to remember what I must of said and when to make him say what he was saying.

Then it hit me. After my run in with death, the day after to be exact, he'd found me by my locker and he'd stopped by. I'm sure he was checking to see if I was okay but I now remember mumbling something about my anxiety. He offered himself, if I needed someone to talk to and I'd said thanks but promptly proceeded to do everything I could to tell him it was nothing. I remember his quizzical look as I tried to explain how okay I was. But, embarrassingly, my body was doing everything to communicate the opposite. I flushed with renewed embarrassment at the recollection. He probably thought I was anxious about the accident. I wanted to assure him I was okay.

I touched my fingers to the cool screen and selected the message button. My touch keyboard popped up. I began to type away. After a few minutes, I stared at my replay.

 _Thanks for asking Peter. I'm fine. -M_

Short, sweet and to the point. However short, my words were really a dance around the issue. A total denial and refusal to bring up the nightmares I still had about the moment my life flashed before my eyes. I would have died if it weren't for him.

Thinking about Peter and what he almost sacrificed to help me was something I couldn't forget. I liked him before and when he saved my life I was certain about why I'd liked him all along. He is what I thought of him all along. And I was almost certain that he was also so much more. There was something extraordinary about him. I am as certain of that as the sunrise and sunset. I'm also desperate to find out the layers hidden within him. I didn't want to run and hide from him anymore. I was going to take a leap of faith. I was going to ask Peter to the dance.


	2. Chapter 2

Peter was walking down the hallway when our eyes met. "Oh my God," I whispered shutting my locker and leaning my head against it. "Think fast," I whispered to myself.

I couldn't think fast enough cause right then I felt this light yet firm touch of a finger on my back. I couldn't hide even if I wanted to. I had no answers for him. I had nothing to offer as an explanation for my odd behaviour, which obviously made him even more worried.

A wave of heat washed over me. The seconds dragged into minutes and eventually it all felt like an eternity. It felt like being in purgatory. I know it sounds awful but he made me so uncomfortable. I know that sounds odd as I say it but it is the only way I can explain it. I was afraid of Peter because I liked him so much. I was afraid because I didn't want to care if it meant that I might never have him. I was afraid to look into those green speckled hazel eyes, and see them judge me or worse reject me.

 _Just turn around. Face him damn it. Don't be such a baby_. I had to do something or I'd fossilize right in this spot. My brain must have been thinking because in that moment I remembered my biology textbook. In that moment I also remembered that I'd forgotten it in class. My whole body suddenly urged me to go back and get it. I was sure it was a fight or flight mechanism. Peter wasn't dangerous. I was alive because of him. But he was dangerous to my equilibrium. He was dangerous to the delicate life I'd built around myself, the glass and concrete that surrounded me and kept me safe. He could be the boulder that shattered all of that and it terrified me to my very core.

I spun around. "Hi Peter," I said with a steady voice and subtle smile. I wasn't the kind of girl that had charm and charisma. I was efficient and reliable. I was smart. And it could be said that I was pretty if I didn't hide behind my books all the time.

"Hi." His voice echoed through me. It was like hearing the chiming of a bell on a cool summer day. It felt like happiness circled it like a warm blanket.

 _Oh this isn't good._

My heart began to quicken. I was going to fall apart if I didn't find a way out.

I smiled again and the seconds seemed to melt like ice cubes in the sun. And, like them I was melting under his gaze.

The bow of his lips rose as they curled into a slight smile. "I wanted…"

"I'm sorry Peter. I just, um, I just remembered I forgot my, um, book, I mean textbook back in, uh, in class. I'll talk to you later."

I turned on my heel and walked, as if with laser purpose, down the hallway. Somewhere in the middle of my brisk walk I turned around only to find him still standing there and looking back at me. His hands were now in his pockets but he hadn't moved.

Embarrassed, again, I spun back around and kept walking.

I was glad we didn't have any classes for the rest of the day. I wouldn't have to face him again if I played my cards right.

"Hey Marian wait up." Mia caught up to me. "What is the matter with you. Why are you running so fast? What are you running away from?"

"Nothing. What's up," I said hoping for a distraction or any topic other than Peter.

She sighed. "What," I said suddenly worried.

"I hear that Peter has a date to the dance."

My heart sank. Peter had a date. It was good that I didn't stay by the locker when he wanted to talk. "That's cool," I said. "Hey Mia. I really gotta go."

"Okay. Are we still on for later tonight," she said. I didn't know if I wanted to be around any body tonight.

"I'll text you. I might have some things to do," I offered. I was lying to Mia. But I couldn't be around anyone tonight. I didn't want to hear about Peter or his date. As a matter of fact thinking about it now made me sick.

 _Later that day at 3:30_

I stuffed my books into my bag and shut the locker door so hard I startled myself. Suddenly alert, I looked around and realized that most of the student had left for the day. There were a few walking down the hall but I was one of the last ones still standing by my locker. I removed a stray hair from my face and closed my eyes. My eyes stung and my heart began to ache again.

Alone, in the middle of the hallway, the emotions began to flood me.

 _How could you let yourself get like this_ , I thought to myself. If you didn't let your head get away from you this wouldn't have happened.

The truth was that my heart was doing the thinking. And whether I was willing to admit it to myself or not it was a harder muscle to control than the brain.

I didn't have much experience with the heart. My brain I had mastered. I guess it was why I spent so much time with books and incased in library walls. Studying, reading, researching were what I knew best.

"What is wrong with me," I said aloud.

I didn't realize that I wasn't alone till it was too late. "Why don't you tell me?" A voice I recognized said softly. "I've been trying to find out."

I sniffed and blinked back the tears that were about to roll down my eyes. "I've found out something that isn't so great," I said. It wasn't the truth entirely. I didn't want to tell him that I liked him. I liked him a little too much and now it was ruining my life to the point where I was crying in the school hallway.

He walked towards me. "How did you get here," I said without thinking.

He gave me a boyish grin as if to say don't make me answer that. "I mean I would've heard your footsteps," I said clearing any doubt that I might be losing my sanity along with my heart. "I was sure I was the only one left." I looked to either side of the hallway and it was just the two of us.

He stopped dead in his tracks. "I was," he said pausing, "I'm a light walker."

It wasn't a good answer but I didn't care about his answers at this point. I didn't care about standing here waiting as he grilled me.

"Why do you care so much anyway?" I snapped. He leaned back with shock. My words had cut him. Good, I thought. Maybe he can feel what I feel. But it didn't make me feel good at all. I closed the remaining distance between us. "I'm sorry. You don't deserve that."

He smiled with a glowing radiance that restored some light within me. How could I be mad at him. He'd saved my life and he was still trying to find out how I was after all that happened.

"I'm okay really. I know I've been acting weird lately but I read a little about people who have near death experiences."

"And?" he said with caution.

"And they're usually not themselves. I know it doesn't excuse my behaviour but I hope it at least explains it."

He dug his hands into his pockets. Then he looked at the ground. I followed his anxious eyes and wondered why he was so nervous."I've been trying to talk to you all day but I didn't had the chance till now."

Please don't make this moment drag any longer than it has to, I thought.

"What about?" I said hoping that whatever it was it would stop us from doing this dance.

Finally, as he ran his hand through his chestnut hair, he said "Will you go to the dance with me?"


	3. Chapter 3

I was stunned.

His hands dug deeper into his pockets as his eyes gazed at me. Waiting. I couldn't speak. My heart was beating so fast I could hear it in my ears.

Peter was asking ME to the dance. ME!

We stood there for a small eternity, both of us frozen like icicles in a storm. One waiting on an answer and the other unable to speak.

I breathed through the thumping beats in my chest before saying, "Me?"

He nodded his head. Suddenly I remembered what Mia had said. Wasn't he supposed to already have a date. Was I his second choice.

I couldn't control the crazy thought from sprinting circles in my head. My heart eased as my nerves now turned into ice cold indifference. "I thought you already had a date?" I said passively. I was hurt. I was accusatory. His own eyes twisted in pain as he tried to understand the sudden change.

"Who told you that?" He countered just as quickly. It was his turn to be hurt. My heart beat faster. His eyes narrowed as he took a small step closer. I looked into them realizing the craziness of my words. Someone had told Mia a lie.

"I heard. Around," I said trying to salvage my dignity. If I had any left at this point.

He moved closer. His right hand now rose up to his shoulder as he hooked his fingers below the strap of his backpack. Resting on his left leg he said, "You shouldn't listen to people you know." Another pause. "Anyway," he said with finality. I couldn't stop feeling empty and alone. I had accused him and I didn't even really know him. My heart sank deeper into my stomach.

"I'm sorry," I blurted out. "I shouldn't have repeated it. I really wanted to go to the dance with you. I didn't think you were going to ask me and I was-"

I couldn't finish that sentence. I didn't need to as he suddenly looked right at me with sympathetic eyes. I stiffened and tried to smile. "Pathetic right," I said locking my hands across my chest.

"No," he said.

What I really wanted to say was that I felt jealous. Jealous of the person who did get to go with him. "Ever since you came to this school I've been curious about you. The new girl with no apparent backstory," he said. Was the mystery the part he cared about?

"No mystery," I said. "My dad left when I was ten. Mom is still around. She's great. Amazing actually. And this is the second school I've moved to. End of story," I said hoping it would lift the mystery.

"That's not what I mean," he said, "And I'm sorry to hear about your dad. I just wanted to get to know you. I feel a bond with you. Hope that's not weird."

"No," I said. "I feel the same." His eyes looked down sending his hair falling in a gently caramel cascade. I wanted to reach out and touch it. I wanted to run my hands through each strand and feel my fingers against his skin.

He looked at the end of the hallway. It was just us. And our small universe.

There wasn't much space left between us so when he took a final step closer I became nervous. My eyes were inches from his lips. I tried to not focus on them. "Yes." I said nervously unaware of what I was saying yes to. My mind left my body. All I could think about was his breath against mine. It smelled of pepper and cinnamon and mint. I dug my heels to the ground, my back straight but my legs showing signs of weakness. My knees buckled.

"You were actually the one I wanted to ask ever since…" He didn't finish his sentence. He didn't need to. My skin froze as I remembered that day. Every time I thought back to it I couldn't believe I'd made it out alive.

A heat of embarrassment washed over me. I was wrong for judging him so quickly.

"I can't thank you enough," I said.

His hand grabbed a hold of mine. "Please don't. Thank me I mean," he said releasing my hand. "Just say you'll go to the dance with me."

"You really want to go?" I said. He wanted to go with me as much as I did with him.

"Only of it's with you."

My heart squeezed in my chest then dropped to my stomach.

"Yes," I said breathless. "Of course."

His eyes dropped to my lips. "So I'll come and pick you up?" he said his eyes frozen there.

"Sure," I said biting them and looking away. Moments of focus like this where it was only us were too beautiful for me to withstand. It was like being next to a burning flame and still wanting to walk through it. It was like being lifted into the air and feeling weightless and filled with all the beauty in the world. It was too much to feel that happy. I didn't understand it. To be honest the feeling terrified me.

Something had changed. Peter had entered my world. Like a beautiful star from a far distant place. Here he was before me and I couldn't handle him or how he made me feel. Love sucked. I loved my father so much. But he didn't love me. Not enough to stay. And maybe that was why I was so afraid of Peter. Maybe I was afraid of feeling happy.

"Are you okay," his voice soothed from a corner in my mind. I blinked and looked into his waiting eyes.

"I'm sorry. Sometimes I lose myself…"

He licked his lips and smiled. "It's good to lose yourself sometimes." He ran his hands through his hair and looked away as he continuing to smile. "Pick you up at 7?"

"Okay," I said.

His smile grew into a warm glow that seemed to radiate from his eyes. I looked at his perfectly straight teeth. My eyes followed the line of them to their soft centre. The thought of kissing him flashed in my mind. What would it feel like? If his eyes could make me feel like the universe no longer existed I'd probably catch fire if his lips touched mine.

I erased the thought from my mind and looked up into his eyes. His equally distracting almond shaped eyes seemed to glitter in the light of his smile.

Oh I was going to be in trouble. The thought that I'd be spending an entire evening with him both thrilled and terrified me. What would he ask me? What would I say? Would we slow dance together and for how many songs? Would he kiss me? Did I want to be kissed? Could I handle a kiss from Peter Parker?

"I'll see you tomorrow night," he said. "Stay safe till then." I couldn't help but smile back at him as radiantly as he'd smiled at me. He was contagious. I definitely had the Peter Parker virus.

He waved goodbye and left down the hallway.

I took a few steps back till my back hit the cool metal ridges of my locker. "Oh boy," I whispered. I lunged forward, pulling my bag over my shoulder. Then I ran down the hallway too.

I was going to go home and finish the last of my math homework. Then I was going to ask mom if she could help me pick out a dress for the dance.

I had two to choose from. One that I wore for parties. It was simple, practical and black. And the other was my attempt at being trendy. It was blue, lace and sparkly. Now that I thought about it I was sure that I wasn't going to wear that one.

Dress was picked out in that case. I was going to wear my little black dress. It was above the knee with spaghetti straps. I was going to wear my curly black hair up. And my small string of pearls.

I hadn't made out of school and I already felt lighter. I opened the entrance doors and skipped down the stairs. I stopped on the last step. Someone was watching me. I had a good sense for things like that. I looked around the empty parking lot. I looked ahead into the trees. I looked up and then behind me.

Nothing.

I jumped down the last step and began to walk home. The feeling persisted but I tried my best to bury it in the back of my mind. I had a date with Peter Parker.


	4. Chapter 4

"You look beautiful," she said. I stared down the staircase. Mom looked at me with wide eyes. Eyes that seemed to be seeing me in a different light. Suddenly uncomfortable, I sprinted down the steps before she could utter another compliment.

She stretched her hand to me. I took it as she turned me around once. I could feel the soft ruffle of silk against my legs. Layers of beautiful silk.

Peter was going to be here any minute. "Look at you," she said. "My baby, all grown up. I think this dress was made for you. I'm so glad we went shopping." I looked down at my new ivory silk dress, staring at the tiny grey floral designs that lined the hem. It fit perfectly. And it made me feel like an heiress which was nice. I couldn't believe it. I wanted to pinch myself, make sure I wasn't dreaming. The last few weeks had felt surreal. My brush with death. My rescue at the hands of a beautiful boy I'd only looked at in the hallways but never had the courage to speak to. I try not to think about that day but I was glad Peter was there. Even if I wondered how he'd managed to get up so high it didn't change the fact that he was there. To help me. Just when I needed him. It had all happened so quickly that I still don't think I'd processed it all. There were no introductions, no hello's. He'd looked into my eyes and I felt like he was looking right into my soul. I don't know if it was the adrenaline pumping through me but I remember him holding me tight. I remember my eyes opening to the calm and assured look in his. I remember the smell of his warm minty cinnamon breath on my eyelids as I tucked my head beneath his warm neck. I remember the feel of his arms tight around me. Then I remember being on the ground. I blinked away the memories and tried to focus on the present.

"Thanks again for the dress mom," I said. She was there to save the day. I hadn't saved enough allowance to pay for it by myself. "It was made for you," she'd said again.

She grabbed my hand. "I think you're going to have an amazing time. I hope you enjoy yourself?" she said questioningly.

"Why wouldn't I", I thought.

She pulled me to her as if to confirm if I understood her meaning. "Nights like this flash by in an instant," she said. "Don't think about anything other than the moment. Okay?"

"I'll will mom," I said earnestly. I knew why she was partly saying this to me. Because she knew me better than anyone else. And I knew myself best of all and she was right. I took myself way too seriously. Since dad left I'd focused on nothing but school. I spent my life between classes and books, darting from one only to take refuge in the other.

But life existed beyond those two things. It existed in the moment. If you weren't careful you could wake up one day and wonder how you'd spent it.

I knew what she was talking about. I also knew that it was easier said than done. I couldn't undo my habits so easily. I also could barely think around Peter let alone trying to remind myself to stay in the moment.

He made me want to run. He made me want to be anywhere but under his gaze another second for fear I'd burn beneath it. I was deathly afraid of feeling the breath of all that I felt around him. I didn't know how to counteract it. It was chemical and beyond my control. If this is what love felt like than I didn't know how people dealt with it.

Mom's white smile tugged me back to reality. She looked so happy, radiating as if she'd swallowed the sun. I'd never seen her like this. But then again she'd never seen me like this either. I'd never stopped to think about how she'd felt. How anxious she must have been for me to adjust to a new school. How isolated I'd made myself as she saw me go straight to school, the library and back again. I was in my own little world.

"You don't have to worry about me mom, really. I'm still getting strait A's, probably going to a top tier school," I said trying to reassure her. My words were a little left field but I wanted her to know I was okay. I was always going to be okay even if I wasn't right now because I'd get there eventually. Just as everything that went up came down so would everything that went down eventually go up again. That inevitability was hope enough for me.

I also knew that there was grey in that black and white look at life. Truthfully, I was tired of feeling angry with my father, I was tired of isolating myself from the world. I was just tired of burying it all. But now I was feeling too much and I didn't know what to do with it. The sooner I could be on my own two feet the better I would be. And mom wouldn't have to worry about me anymore. If she saw me being capable and conquering the world maybe she'd worry a little less.

A soft light flooded through the curtains. It was followed by the sound pebbles against tires. Someone was driving into the driveway. My driveway.

My heart launched up into my throat and I could barley speak or breath. I ran my fingers through my hair and breathed through my nostrils.

"He's here," she said releasing my hand. My feet rooted further into the ground. "Come on honey. Don't just stand there." I felt life pump through my feet and I followed her.

There was a thud. The sound of a car door shutting. My heart skipped a beat. A few seconds later I could hear the sound of footsteps on the porch. My heart skipped another beat.

Knock, knock.

It was soft and gentle. It was the knock of someone who cared not to startle the neighbours. My heart squeezed in my chest. That was Peter. Always worried about everyone else. Suddenly I wanted to know everything about him. His likes, dislikes, what made him irritated and what he couldn't live without.

I couldn't imagine falling for him harder than I already had but it was a big possibility. The real life fact that I could lose my heart to a boy I barely knew. A heart I feared I might never be able to get back. That was why I was afraid of him.

Mom pulled the door open and it felt as if time had slowed. In that moment, between the door and the dark suited figure in the shadows, I felt every passing second and every breath I took.

The sun had just set leaving the sky in an inky wash of black and blues, his face still concealed behind the darkness. The top of his head styled with the waves of his hair looked like molasses. His tall lean frame standing just on the other side of the open door.

"Hi Peter. We've been anxiously waiting for you. Come in," mom said with a wave of her hand. I blinked trying to make the time move. He stepped away from the darkness and into the light of the living room. As his feet moved in slow motion my eyes followed his hand to the beautiful red rose between his fingers.

"Hi," he said to the both of us.

And just like that time started to move again. I blinked my eyes as I walked up to him. "This is for you," he said lifting the rose to me. Mom looked at us smiling from ear to ear. "May I?" he said smiling at her then refocusing his attention to me.

"Of course," she said.

I came a little closer. He reached out to me as his fingers grazed the left strap of my dress. He hooked one finger around it and pinned the rose right there.

"It's beautiful," I breathed.

"So are you," he replied.


	5. Chapter 5

"Shall we go," I said nervously. Peters' fingers grazed my skin just as I stepped back. I looked into his guarded eyes. Maybe he saw me as a big question mark or a mysterious box like pandoras. I hoped he didn't see me that way, but his eyes were shrouded in mystery. The lashes that lined them were like the leaves of a date palm tree. I looked away and fiddled with the beautiful thing he'd pinned on me. I couldn't help but think why we'd ever come up with such a custom. Like pinning a prized horse or something. I rattled the idea out of my head.

"I think we're good for time…"

"… I prefer being early," I interrupted. "If that's okay." Just as the idea was taking hold in my head, I realized that if we were early then, we'd have no choice but to fill the time. All that time.

My heart beat steadily. Peter reached out his hand to me, and I took it. I tried not to shake. He gave me a squeeze. I looked up at him in response, and he smiled.

Oh God, I was nervous. And he could tell. I was clear as water. I might as well be a puddle on the floor considering I didn't have a poker face at all. "Thanks, Mrs-"

"Call me Hanna," mom said. She looked at us beaming like a light. I got my need for transparency from her. I wondered if she'd given her heart to dad when they first met? I wondered if she had fallen as hard as I had and lost her heart?

I felt another squeeze. This time it was like a nudge back to reality. Peter pulled me to him till our arms were touching. I could feel the solid strength of his arms. It was like leaning onto a wall or steel pillar. I looked away and at the door.

"We'll be back by eleven," Peter said.

"That sounds good," mom replied casually. She looked too relaxed. Like a parent that trusted the date of her daughter.

I trusted Peter. I didn't know why. I couldn't explain it nor could I formulate a single reason other than a sixth sense that he was good to the core. Like a vibrating energy that radiated from him, I could sense it, pick up on it.

"I'll see you later mom," I said.

"Have a good night you too," mom said waving at us from the door. We were making our way to the car. Peter opened the door for me.

When he got in the driver's seat, he shut the door and started the car. "I think tonight is going to be a good night. Musically anyway," he said. "I heard they managed to get Dj Cash to come."

I crossed my hands on my lap. "That's cool," I said. I didn't know who DJ Cash was and I hoped it didn't show. I played with my fingers lacing and unlacing them. The car began to move. The hum of the engine was a welcome sound since it replaced the hollow silence. I looked out the window at the passing trees.

Say something. Anything. You fool.

I felt like the moment was like water in my hands. No matter how hard I tried to hold onto to it, I couldn't. "I. I wonder if they'll be a lot of people when we get there?" I finally said. The minute the words left my lips I regretted it. Of all the things I could say to him or ask him why the hell was I making small talk.

I saw the gentle nod of his head as he kept focused on the road. My heart sank. He was probably regretting asking me. I was dull, boring and the jig was up. He would probably try to get through the night and say hello passingly in the hallway.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. My mouth was dry.

Then you better not talk. Probably better that way, I thought to myself.

"Hey. I wanted to know something," Peter said. I looked over at his perfect profile. His sharp jaw, his pillowed lips and the lashes that looked like elongated spider legs.

I waited anxiously, watching him. "What?" I said finally. Nervously.

"I thought maybe we could in say hi to our friends than go up to the roof. Hang out for a little bit." My heart began pounding in my chest.

Alone.

He wanted us to be alone.

"Sure," I said.

We arrived. I quickly got out of the car and looked over waiting for him. A half smile played on his lips as he walked around and came to a stop beside me. "Shall we?" he said, holding his hand out to me.

I imperceptibly nodded my head and hooked my arm around his. Peter gently guided me forward as we went up the steps and into the highs school. We walked into the decorated and darkly lit gym. The ceiling has tiny blue and black confetti, mimicking stars in the sky. I craned my head back staring at the beautiful job the dance committee had done. "This looks amazing," I breathed.

Peter unhooked his arm from mine and snaked it around my waist. My heart shot through my chest, temporary knowing the breath from me. "It's a little quiet now, what do you think if we escape for a little bit," he said. He pulled me a millimeter closer, and I felt the imperceptible shift. Every bone in my body felt it.

"Yes," I breathed. Peters' hand stayed on my waist as we left the darkened gym. The halls were empty. The lockers perfectly lined. The perfect symmetry of the little rectangular boxes caught me by surprise as I suddenly fixated on them.

"Isn't it weird how you can look at something a million times and one day it suddenly seems foreign."

He looked down to me, and I turned crashing into the full stare of his eyes. His eyes held me at that moment as everything around us seemed to stop.

"I know what you mean," he said with penetrating precision. Somehow I felt like wasn't talking about the lockers anymore.

At that moment he steered my sharply to the right turning me towards the secret stairs that led up to the roof access door. I followed him trying to keep up. His hand still gripped mine, but he was quick as he went swiftly up the steps. The small inconspicuous gray door appeared at the top of the stairs. He looked at me with those hazel eyes that now looked a forest green under the dim lights. His brows rose mischievously, and a moment later we went up another small flight of stairs stepping into the brisk wind of the night.

I walked ahead, my eyes finding the night sky. Even in the light of the city, I could see the stars. Little white specks of magic tattooed to the universe. I couldn't sense any movement or sound. I turned around finding Peter standing a few feet behind me, watching. "Do you know why I brought you up here?" he said, and I lost the remaining breath in my lungs.

"No," I breathed, forcing myself to inhale.

Our words fell at our feet. Peter was standing there with such stillness, such assured eyes looking directly at me. Suddenly I wanted to run. A half smile danced across his lips as the wind danced through his thick chestnut hair. "I've wanted to tell you I care about you." He took a step closer. Sure, decisive and with absolute confidence.

I stumbled a step back. "I-" I couldn't finish the thought. I couldn't think. In the stillness of the night, I could see the shape of his dark suit. It was cut so beautifully close to his body that I couldn't ignore his magnificent physique.

Worry dashed across his eyes as they darkened. "I care about you too. I haven't stopped dreaming about, I mean I haven't dreamed about…" I didn't know how to salvage my thought. My mind was trying to hold onto my last shred of dignity, but my heart was betraying me.

"Dreaming about what?" he pressed, taking another step closer. I inhaled a breath and exhaled.

"I've been dreaming about you," I breathed. My body eased at the fact that a very private part of me was known. Something so personal and private that I would never have shared was now out there. The fact hit me in the gut sending ripples through me.

"Mariam," he whispered. He said my name with such softness it made my heart ache and my body shiver. It ached at the revelation and source of such emotion because it wasn't something I ever experienced.

The music echoed louder into the air around us. The steady beat of dance tunes and funky beats. The sound of cars enveloped in the chatter of excited voices also rose from the school like bubbles in a champagne bottle.

"Do you want to dance," he said. I didn't answer with words as I walked into his open arms. His lips were inches from mine. His eyes looking nowhere but at mine. Almost toe to toe, I rose my arms and locked them around his neck. As slowly as I did this, his own hands touched my hips then locked around my back. As his fingers closed behind me, the last remaining space between us disappeared.

My heart beats to its growing rhythm. Chest to chest, I could hear the steady beat of his against mine. I wanted to kiss him. I needed to kiss him. The sudden desperation overtook me, and I looked away from him in embarrassment.

"Hey," he said nudging me to him. "You're beautiful. Don't feel embarrassed." My face grew hot at his bullseye answer. I was embarrassed but not for what he was thinking.

Before I could formulate an explanation, I felt his hand leave the curve of my back. He cupped my neck, his thumb gently caressing my skin. My pulse quickened beneath his thumb as he stroked my neck some more. His thumb rose to touch the back of my ear as the rest of his fingers gripped the back of my neck.

I looked into his glowing eyes. The moonlight hit them spotlighting the greens, yellows, browns, and specs of blue nestled there. His breath danced across my own and I my legs buckled. His hands held me there, holding me to him. We stood there, beneath the night sky under the stars locked in each other. "Can I kiss you," he said with heartbreaking slowness. I recognized the desperation in those words.

"Yes," I breathed unable to formulate any idea or thought. I felt Peters warm breath followed by the gentle press of his soft lips against mine. I turned my head fitting myself to him, and he pulled me closer. I couldn't feel my body, just his heartbeat and his lips against mine. Every nerve in body felt raw, and my fireworks danced behind my closed lids. He broke the kiss, breathed and kissed me again but this time deeper. I disappeared into the mystery of the night unaware of the universe that seemed to continue without me.

When he broke the kiss for the second time, he didn't completely pull away. Instead, his lips trailed from my lips to the side of my cheek as he pressed a kiss into it. Gentle and soft. I held onto him, afraid of falling from the place we seemed to have gone.

His trailed from my cheek down to my neck and kissed there too. "Peter," I whispered, my body shivering beneath him.

"Mariam," he breathed against my ear. A slow song rose from below us. I felt it, letting it echo through me as it built with each movement our bodies. His lips found mine again, and this time I felt his tongue against mine. Tears stung my eyes as my heart scattered like the stars.

This was the happiest moment of my life.


	6. Chapter 6

Not all moments as sweet and perfect, as this, are meant to last forever, if they happen at all. I might lose this 'thing' I had in this very moment. I never got to keep happiness. I know it sounds odd to say it like that but what I mean is that I have, up to this point, experienced heartache. And pain.

"You are dramatic," mom would say at times. I couldn't help but feel she was right. But it didn't mean I didn't feel this way. I couldn't stop feeling this way.

I pulled away from Peter. "I think we should get back," I said. It was like cutting my arm off. My eyes focused slowly. The sky began to darken showing the bright stars pop out like white glitter against a midnight blue dress. "What's wrong?" he said, his words lingering on my lips as if the connection between us was still there.

"Nothing," I said, lying to myself. "I just think we shouldn't miss the dance is all." I turned around, my eyes stinging with tears.

I could feel movement behind me. Then I felt the gentle touch of a phantom hand on the small of my back. "We can go," Peter said, softly. So soft I thought it was the wind that whispered it.

I turned around and let him lead me back down the narrow staircase. We reentered the empty hallway. Neither of us spoke a word. But he didn't let go of me, and I was glad for the bond we still shared.

The music boomed louder as we got closer to the gym. We turned another corner and that's when we saw the line of students eager and ready to dance their worries away. At least for a night anyway.

"Peter," a mysterious voice boomed. Then came a headless wave in the back of the line. After a few shuffles, Mani emerged from the crowd. "Hey," he shouted while sprinting towards us. He looked to me then to Peter before stopping right before us.

"Where have you been? I've been looking everywhere for you."

Peter looked at me his eyes shying away from saying what we had just been doing. I blushed in return remembering the kiss. The feel of his lips on mine. The touch of his hand on my neck and against my skin.

Mani looked to Peter. Their eyes met, and Mani suddenly seemed to get the message the silent communication that Peter was trying to send.

"I'll be right back Peter," I said. I didn't want to wait around for this conversation. Before Peter's hand left my waist, he gave me a gentle squeeze. I looked at him, and he smiled his eyes softening. They simmered as if the universe contained them. In the fluorescent light, they'd turned green like the earth with rivers of dark yellows and browns. Little specks of gold star dust were scattered in them too. As if the stars themselves had nestled there.

Mani and Peter were best friends. Mani was a nice guy from what little I had seen of him. He was shorter than Peter. He was smart and bookish and he and Peter were inseparable. He had hair that was cut short against his head and eyes that were shaped like almonds.

"Hi Mani," I said.

He smiled shyly at me. "Hi Mariam," he replied with a guarded look. I supposed Mani was unsure about me. I would be too if my best friend, all of sudden, was acting funny because of a girl. I really hoped he liked me.

"See you guys inside," I said and took off. I needed to think about where a relationship with Peter was going to go. He was good and perfect and everything I could ever want in a boyfriend. But I had plans. I had a life I was pursuing and dreams my mother wanted for me. A goal that didn't involve falling in love.

I quickened my step and hid behind the nearest corner I could find. My knees buckled and I sunk, slowly folding into myself. I cradled my head between my thighs and cried. What was happening to me? I don't cry, but here I was doing exactly that, all alone in an empty hallway.

"Are you okay?" a voice said softly. My heart skipped a beat then settled. I looked up, trying to wipe the tears as quickly as I could.

"Hi," I said. A boy I faintly recognized stared back at me. He was wearing dark jeans, a black shirt, and white bowtie. "I'm fine," I added, trying to reassure him that I was okay. I recognized him. His name escaped me but it was there floating around in my head. I knew him. Then a moment of clarity. Biology. He was in my biology class and he sat right behind me. "Adam, right?" I said with a flash of excitement.

"Yes," he said. "We take bio together." I smiled, happy at having guessed his name.

"Right," I said. My face was cold. I rubbed my hands wiping away any residue of teardrops between my palms. Adam stared at me a little longer, unconvinced of my assurances. I got up and realized how stupid it must look. Crying in an empty, cold hallway when everyone was in the gym dancing and making memories. If I was going to cry, I could at least be smart enough to do it in private. At home would've been best. The thought circled my mind.

"Okay. I'm going to go back now," he said pointing his fingers in a direction behind him. He hesitated as if waiting for something.

"You go ahead," I said again with a bright smile. Lie, lie lie. But it was enough to end the conversation. He gave me a weak smile of his own and after a lingering moment he was gone. I looked to either side of me. I was alone once again. Not a soul was around.

I touched my face feeling the crack of dry tears forming against my cheek. I felt my lips feeling the lingering touch of Peters' lips on mine. I closed my eyes remembering it all. Short, brief but impossibly consuming. An eternity in a moment.

I heard my heart beating against my ear at the same time that I remembered his pulse beneath my hand as it rested on his chest. I had to focus on finals. Finals. Then I can worry about what is or isn't our relationship.

Determined, I rose up and turned my heels. I stormed down the hall re-entering the darkened gym. I was going to enjoy tonight. While I still had time.


End file.
